


They'll be Alright

by paperback92



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Captain America: The First Avenger, Childhood Memories, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperback92/pseuds/paperback92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe, Steve thought, just maybe they'd both be alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	They'll be Alright

Steve wanted at least a day’s distance between them and what was left of the HYDRA base before they stopped. The rest of the 107th followed loyally, grateful to be alive. The men were holding up well for the most part. The majority were in ok shape but there was a handful that needed medical attention; including Bucky. 

Steve's stomach twisted at the memory of Bucky strapped onto that table, strange machines hovering around him; his eyes large and vacant. They hadn't a chance to talk since the escape and Steve was worried. Not because Bucky was doing badly. In fact it was just the opposite. He was doing much better then Steve would have ever imagined. 

At first when he stumbled after Steve out of HYDRA base, he had practically cling to Steve so that he wouldn't fall flat on his face. But he seemed to perk up after being reunited with the rest of his men. He wasn't the picture of health by Steve’s standards yet by any means, but still not as bad as Steve had feared and imagined.

They had put a little over a day’s worth of travel behind them when Steve ordered them to stop for the night. He sent the best looking men into a nearby village for supplies. They came back with food and tents and the rest were practically giddy with the findings. It didn't take long to set up a makeshift camp and get everyone settled and fed.

Bucky stood at the edge of the camp, hidden amongst the trees, and stood watch. Steve watched as Bucky's sharp eyes scanned the group of men then focused further out, watching the woods. He held himself stiffly, his shoulders straight and tight with tension. Dark smudges lined the underneath of his eyes. Steve realized with a start that he didn't know when the last time Bucky slept or the last time he ate. 

Steve got a plate of food for the both of them, making sure that he put extra on Buck's, and made his way over to his friend. Bucky's gaze flickered over to Steve and grinned although Steve noticed that it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Hey, Captain America.” He said, a playful teasing bite in his voice.

Steve smiled at the familiar routine. At least one thing in this his new life of his stayed the same. "Hey," He greeted warmly back. "You ate yet?" 

Bucky shook his head. "Not yet. Was waiting for the boys to get their fill."

"I brought you a plate. It's not as good as your momma's cooking, but it'll have to do." 

Bucky hesitated only for a second before taking the plate. "Nothing is as good as ma's food." He said in between bites. 

Steve tried not to stare as Bucky practically inhaled the meal. He had put much more on Buck's plate then he put on his own; but Bucky ate every last bite quickly as if Steve had handed him and plate of appetizers. Steve saw him give a wary look at the food that still sat on Steve's plate. "You want it?" He offered. 

Bucky glanced between Steve and the plate. He started to reach out then changed his mind, redirecting the hand through his hair. Steve noticed the fine tremors that shook his hands. "Nah, I'm good." He finally said, turning back to the group. "Thanks anyways." 

Steve nodded and turned his sights to the group too, desperately trying to resist the temptation to study to his friend closer. There was something off about Bucky that he could see clearer that he was up close. Bucky hid it well and Steve wondered if the rest of the 107th had seen the change. 

Bucky was restless. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw him shift his weight repeatedly from one leg to the other. Typically Bucky was the picture of calm, cool, and collected. He was hardly ever fidgety, but tonight he couldn't keep still. His bright blue eyes kept scanning the woods, searching for something. Steve didn't know how he could see anything beyond the light of the fire. It was a pitch dark night. It was only because of the serum that Steve could see as well as could. He was pulled from his thoughts when Bucky suddenly froze, his whole body tensing up. 

"Buck, what's wrong?" 

Bucky stayed silent. He stared intensely into the woods, narrowing his eyes as if to will them to see further. He tilted his head as if straining to hear something far off. Steve looked in that direction but he couldn't see anything. He was about to speak again when suddenly something leapt of out woods.

Bucky jumped backwards in surprise, slamming hard into the tree behind him, his eyes were wide with fright. Steve felt himself being torn in two directions; to fight the attacker or to check on Bucky. He turned to Bucky when Dum Dum Dugan called out to them.

"It's ok, Cap! It's just a critter. I guess he's as hungry as we were!" 

Steve sighed with relief. The last he wanted was the men to have to fight again so soon. He gave a tight smile and a nod to Dum Dum, while the group laughed at the unexpected company and carried on with their business. 

He turned back to Bucky and was barely able to mask his concern. Bucky sat on the ground, leaning heavily on the tree. His eyes were squeezed shut and his chest heaved. The tumors in his hands had turned into full on trembling throughout his limbs. Steve knelt down in front of him and place a gentle hand on his shoulder. Bucky jumped at the contact and his eyes flew open. "It's ok." Steve soothed and pulled him to his feet. "Let's get you somewhere quiet." 

Bucky gave a slight nod and let Steve guide him to the furthest tent. There was already a sleeping bag laying on the ground. He left Bucky by the entrance, quickly rolled out the bag then manhandled Bucky over to it, helping him sit.

"Stay there." Steve instructed, "I'll be right back." He quickly found another sleeping bag and a couple left over apples that the other men passed over. When he got back to the tent, it seemed that Bucky had pulled himself together. If Steve hadn't witnessed it, he would have never guessed that the man before him practically had a break down only a few moments ago. Bucky was stretched out on top of the mat, arm tucked behind his head. He raised his head when Steve walked in and gave a small nod of acknowledgement before settling back down. 

"You still hungry?" Steve asked, rolling and smoothing out the extra sleeping bag beside Bucky. He shook his head but the loud growl from his stomach contradicted him. "Lair." Steve grumbled disapprovingly and handed him an apple. 

Bucky didn't hesitate grabbing the food from Steve this time. He sat up and took the fruit readily. He ate it in a flash but his stomach still loudly protested. Steve handed him the other apple and watched as he ate it slowly, forcing himself to take his time. 

"You're a bottomless pit tonight." Steve teased, hoping it masked the tinge of concern in his voice. 

Bucky hummed noncommittally and laid back down. Steve stretched out beside him, their elbows touching. They laid in silence for a few long moments. When it was apparent that Bucky wouldn't start talking, Steve finally spoke. "So, you wanna talk?"

"About what?" Came the gruff reply. 

Steve shrugged into the darkness. "Anything, I guess. What happened back there? Why you're as jumpy as a cat. Or how you've eaten more than me tonight; and that's an accomplishment because I'm pretty sure no one can eat as much as I can now." 

Bucky gave a rueful chuckle but nothing else. Steve turned on his side and studied his friend. He could just make out Bucky's features in the darkness of the tent. Worry lines were etched in his brow and around his eyes. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to have actually deepened within the last half an hour. His full lips were pulled into a thoughtful frowning pout; the kind that made all the girls back home swoon. 

"How about," Bucky finally said, his voice tight, "We talk about how I specifically told you not to do anything stupid and here you are looking like..." He vaguely waved in Steve's direction. "Well this." 

A hot flash of anger passed through Steve. "If I hadn't done it then we wouldn't be here right now. You'd be dead." He paused and then added forcefully, "or worse."

Bucky flinched so hard that their shoulders bumped together and Steve immediately regretted his words. "I'm sorry, Buck. I didn't mean-" 

"No," Bucky interrupted quietly. "You're right." He reached out and ruffled Steve's hair, an old habit from when they were children. He let his hand rest on top of Steve's head instead of pulling it back right away. The tremors were back. Steve could feel Bucky's fingers shake as they tangled in his blond hair. He kept his hand there on top of Steve’s head, as if he was proving to himself that Steve was really there. 

"What happened back there, Buck? You're a mess."

Bucky shook his head back and forth, causing a lock of dark hair fall onto his forehead. "I don't wanna talk about me right now." His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, trying to hide it. His voice a little more steady the next time he spoke. He gestured back to Steve. "So how'd all this happen anyways?" 

Steve told him everything. He told him about enlisting the night before Bucky shipped out. He told him about Dr. Erskine, Howard Stark, and Col Phillips. He couldn't help the blush that crept up onto his cheeks when he spoke of Peggy. Bucky listened silently for the most part, apart from the odd noise of disapproval. When Steve finished his story they laid quietly in the darkness. 

Bucky finally sighed. "I can't believe you let a guy that couldn't even make a car fly, experiment on you. You really are stupid." An unexpected laugh bubbled out of Steve and Bucky joined in with a soft chuckle. 

They fell back into an easy silence. It reminded Steve of when they were kids back home in Brooklyn. There were many nights were they used to pull cushions onto the floor or cold winter nights when they’d huddle together for warmth. They would lay there until the early morning hours talking and joking. They’d always start the night out on opposite sides of the mattress but by morning they'd find themselves tangled together in a mess of limbs. 

Tonight they started out closer than they would have in the past. They laid side by side, their shoulders brushing occasionally against each other. Bucky still had a hand in Steve's hair and he didn't object to the touch. 

Steve worried about his friend. Something had obviously happened at the Hydra base and Bucky wasn't gone to offer up any details. Whatever they did must have shook him to the core. Steve had never seen Bucky so skittish. As badly as Steve wanted to pry deeper, he wouldn't. He knew Bucky like the back of his hand; they were like brothers. Steve knew that if he pushed too much then Bucky would close off completely. He couldn't stop himself wondering though. Especially about all those machines that had been aimed at Bucky.

As if he could read Steve's thoughts, a violent shiver tore through Bucky's body. He removed his hand from Steve's hair and wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He turned, facing away from Steve.

"You cold?" Steve asked, placing a hand on Bucky's exposed arm. He pulled his hand back surprised. Bucky's skin was hot, almost feverish. "Buck," He tried again, "You feeling ok?"

"M'fine." Bucky mumbled. "Just tired." 

Don't push him, Steve chided himself, let him be. So he did. He laid there and listened to the sounds of night. Owls and crickets made their presence known while the group of men outside howled at an off color joke. The temperature started to gradually drop and as Steve let his eye slip close, he knew it’d be a chilly night.

 

“Steve,” A voice whispered fiercely. “Steve, scoot over.”

Steve cracked one eye open to find Bucky hovering above him. “It’s cold as piss in here. Scoot over.” He instructed again and Steve did as he was told. He was in Bucky’s bed after all. 

His mother had to work an unexpected long night at the hospital and she hadn’t wanted Steve to be alone in their cold apartment, not with him so close to getting over the most recent bout of pneumonia. It was an especially cold night, so he had been bundled up in practically every article of clothing he owned and was left in the Barnes family’s care. Mrs. Barnes gave him a hot cup of soup and shuffled him into Bucky’s bed, burying him under mountains of blankets and quilts. 

Bucky, also dressed in multiple shirts and coats, slid under the sheets. “You know,” He grumbled, “Ma doesn’t even treat me half as good as she treats you, you spoiled punk.” 

“Get pneumonia and see if that helps your case.” A shiver dislodged a cough that rattled Steve’s bones. “I thought you guys had heat.” He said, once he got his breath back. 

Bucky shrugged and pulled the mound of blankets over their heads, trying to trap their body heat. “It came down to paying the rent or the heat and living in a cold house is better than living on the cold streets.” 

Steve shivered again but not from the cold. “Buck-“

Bucky didn’t let him finish. “Don’t worry about it. I was able to pick up some extra shifts at work; should get it back on soon.” 

Steve shook his head. “I wish you would have told me. I could have helped.”

Bucky barked a dark laugh. “Yeah, ok. Because you’re not as strapped as we are? You got a pile of cash hidden somewhere you haven’t told me about that you can use to turn the heat back on tonight?” He nudged Steve’s arm. “There’s nothing you can do, especially right now, so don’t worry about it. Ok?”

Steve stayed stubbornly quiet. “Ok?” Bucky asked again, more forcefully.  
  
"Yeah, yeah ok.” Steve shot back and Bucky nudged him again for good measure. Both boys shivered and slid closer, huddling together. They laid that way for several moments, finally finding warmth and Steve watched as Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed. 

“If you guys weren’t ok, you’d tell me right?”

Bucky eyes opened in slits and he placed a hand in Steve’s hair, a habit that hadn’t been broken even in their now teenage years. “Sure, Steve. I’m telling ya though, we’ll be alright.”

 

Steve woke with a start when Bucky turned onto his side and faced him. Steve blinked wearily at him. Bucky didn't say anything, he just blinked slowly back. 

"I'm glad you're not dead." Steve finally whispered into the dark, his voice thick with sleep. 

Bucky gave another sad smile that almost reached his stony blue eyes. "I'm glad I'm not dead too." 

“I guess everything’s different now.”

Bucky shook his head softy. “Nah, not everything. Six feet tall, healthy as a horse and I still can’t get you out of my bed.” 

Steve laughed. “What can I say? You’re a good bed mate.”

Bucky chuckled softy and let his eyes close again. “We’ll be alright.”

"I missed you, jerk." 

“I missed you too, punk." 

 

When Steve woke up the next morning he and Bucky were tangled up together, just like when they were boys. He extracted the long limbs that he was still getting used to, from Bucky's and stood up being careful not to wake him. They would have to move on soon but he could let Bucky rest a bit longer. 

He stepped outside of the tent and blinked into the morning light. He frowned; he had wanted to get an earlier start then this. They still had about a day’s walk to the base. 

Their makeshift camp was practically all packed up. Steve frowned even deeper, feeling shamed. He should have been out there helping them instead of sleeping. Dum Dum caught his eye from across the camp and came over, smiling. 

“Morning, Cap!” He called out, clasping a friendly hand on Steve’s shoulder. “We’re just about ready to move out.” 

“I should have been out here helping, Dugan. Why didn’t anyone come get me?”

“You may be Captain America, but you needed some rest too.” Dugan’s grip around his shoulders grew tighter and he steered Steve away from any eavesdropping ears. He lowered his voice. “How’s Bucky doing?”

Steve sighed and suddenly felt bone tired. “I’m not sure. He was pretty shook up last night. What happened to him back there?”

Dugan shook his head. There was a profoundly sad look in his eyes. “I don’t know. All I know is that there were a bunch others taken back there before Bucky and he’s the only one that came back.” 

A chill shot down Steve’s spine. He suddenly felt guilty about leaving him. The thought must have showed on his face because Dugan gave him a significant look. 

"Why don't you go and get him so we can get moving? We'll finish things up out here." 

Steve gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks for looking after everything." Including Bucky, went unspoken but Dugan heard it anyways. He nodded in understanding and gripped Steve's shoulder once more. "It's my pleasure, Cap." 

Steve went back to the tent where Bucky still resting peacefully. He smiled fondly at the sight of Bucky sleeping, his mouth slack and a little string of drool hanging out. 

Steve kneeled beside him and reached out to wake him when Bucky suddenly tensed. Steve froze. Bucky's brow furrowed and a thin sheet of sweat broke out on it. His mouth trembled and his head tossed from side to side. 

"No, no, no." He mumbled. "No. Don't." 

Steve snapped in action. "Bucky," He said softy, touching his shoulder. "Bucky, wake up." 

Bucky's eyes snapped open. He grabbed and twisted Steve's wrist, all in one smooth motion. In a flash, he had Steve pinned against the hard forest floor. Steve gasped as his head collided with the hard ground. There was a wild look in Bucky's eyes. He looked like one of the feral cats that hung around the back alleys behind their old apartment building. Steve used the same soft, low tones he used when he'd try and feed them scrapes. "Bucky, it's me. It's Steve. It's ok." 

Bucky blinked rapidly and the wild look slowly left his eyes. A mix of panic and exhaustion replaced it as he glazed around the tent. "Steve?" He finally croaked out, his voice gravelly. He dropped his hold of Steve as if he had been burned and scrambled off. "I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"It's ok," Steve pushed himself up onto his forearms. He rubbed the back of his head. There was a small goose egg that he knew would be gone within the hour. "No harm done." He smiled but his heart sank when Bucky avoided his gaze. 

"We're about to head out." Steve said, raising to his feet. "You ok to walk?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Bucky nodded once and Steve would have done anything in the world to take away the haunted look in his eyes.

“I can stay with you if you want."

Bucky practically growled at him. "I said I was fine, Rogers." 

Steve fought the instinct to bristle and snap back. "Fine. We leaving in ten." He finally said in his best Captain voice and left. He tried to forget the way Bucky's hands shook. 

After a few minutes, Bucky was out of the tent with a rifle over his shoulder and a frigid aura. During the walk back, he never uttered a word. At first a few brave men saddled up beside him and try to start conversations only to be met with a chilling glare. The men soon gave him a wide berth and let him be. 

Expect for Steve. 

Steve hadn't spoken to Bucky after the incident that morning and hadn't sought him out either. He was determined to give Bucky the space he thought he needed. He led the group forward and was surprised when a stone faced Bucky appeared at his side. He silently marched beside him, matching Steve stride for stride, and keeping up with him with little effort. 

Steve kept silent as well and watched Bucky out of the corner of his eyes. He stood tall, his back and shoulders so ram rod straight with tension that it hurt Steve's own back. His hard eyes would scan the tree line, always searching for threats. He'd turn an ear to sounds that were so far off that Steve thought that he could only hear them. 

Bucky only faltered once, when they had finally reached the base. A group quickly formed at their arrival, buzzing with excitement and shock. Bucky stumbled over his own feet and Steve saw his mask fall for a second. Exhaustion, fear, and blind panic seized Bucky's features before he shut down once more; putting back on his mask. 

Steve's heart ached when Bucky glanced over at him, knowing that he'd been caught. No longer caring about Bucky’s distance, Steve reached out and gave him a gentle cuff on the shoulder and a warm smile. Bucky returned it with a tight smile of his own, his eyes softer then they had been that morning and kept marching on.

It wasn't until he heard Bucky speak that Steve allowed himself to worry a little less. "Let's hear it for Captain America." Bucky shouted and the men went crazy with whoops and hollers for Steve. 

They heard it as a salute for the man that went in and single handedly rescued them, but Steve heard the underlining bite and sarcasm that was so faint, it barely there. Steve saw those intense blue eyes soften with slight amusement. An overwhelming wave of relief took his breath away when Steve realized that Bucky was teasing him. 

Steve shot Bucky an annoyed but secretly pleased look and it was like they were kids again sharing in one of their many inside jokes that the rest of world wasn’t privy too. Steve almost wept when Bucky smiled back and for the first time since Steve had pulled him off that table, it reached his eyes. 

Maybe, Steve thought, just maybe they'd both be alright.


End file.
